So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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