I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
