I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where does the pee come out of this thing
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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