I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
