tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
