yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
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When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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