dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
