I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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