wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
