Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
