Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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