did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
