Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
