I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
