I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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