She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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