Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
