so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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