Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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