Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
