god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
