How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
