Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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