I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
