I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
