And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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