Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
