I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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