haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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