Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
