He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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