How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
