Plan B is the new Plan A
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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