Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
