I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
