I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Quick, to the slutcave!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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