why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
