if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
