Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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