I just cut my nipple shaving
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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