Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?