If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY