oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.