i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned