how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.