Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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