i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she smelled like a LAN party
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize