When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once