I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize