This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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