maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
