I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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