yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
