He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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