I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
