dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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