I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
