OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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