just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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