I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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