its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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