Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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