hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
