I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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