Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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