My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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