I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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