the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
