Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
