It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
