So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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