I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
