At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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