I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
