he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
