Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
