So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
