I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
