dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
