you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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