so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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