looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
