I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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