my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
