butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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